Friday, December 9, 2011

College and ridding my life of toxic people

So...I realize I haven't blog in months and months, and I feel super guilty about it. It's been so long I'm not even sure if anyone is still following me, but I figured I would post a new post anyways.

As many of my followers might know (or not know because it's been so long and they've forgotten), I started college this past August. The semester is actually almost over (only another week to go-yay!) and then I get over a month off. College so far is good, I like it way better than high school. Although I don't really like having homework in general, I like how the work in college is much more independent and how there is less time actually spent in class. This has caused my attendance record to be way better than it was in high school. I've only missed a few classes due to the weather/being sick/super tired, and I have actually felt guilty and sad that I couldn't make it. So overall, college is going well.

The past year or so was really challenging for me in a lot of ways, and one of the reasons why was because I made the decision to let go of all of the "toxic" people in my life. My actual graduating from high school automatically solved about half of this problem, since a lot of the people I wasn't really keen on or close to just drifted away naturally. Letting go of a few people has been especially hard. I had been really close to one friend since about middle school. She was one of my best friends. We had tons of fun times together, but over the years there were a few really hurtful things that she did to me that I just couldn't shake off. She would leave me out of things a lot, not be there for me, or made me feel stupid/like I wasn't good enough no matter what I did. She even put down the school I'm going to, which kind of hurt my feelings. So after a lot of consideration, I decided that for the time being I need to let her go as a friend. For the past year or so we really haven't been in as much contact anyways, but I figured with her going away to college it would just kind of finish it. I actually deleted her along with most of my other contacts from my phone, and didn't hear from her in probably close to four months. I never said anything hurtful to her to "end" our friendship, I just simply never texted her or called. The other day I got a few random text messages from a number I'm assuming was her, but I didn't respond. It may seem harsh to some people, but I'm really trying to cleanse my life of any negative energy, and I feel that this needed to be done.

But without a doubt, the hardest person to let go of by far has been my boyfriend of over two years. I know deep down that he is really not the best thing for me, but I just can never seem to end it for good. I've tried dozens of times, but it never seems to work, and it makes me feel so weak as a person. A lot of the time he is a really good boyfriend, but the other times it is the total opposite-he is so mean sometimes it almost amazes me. He and I share a lot of the same morals in that we don't drink or anything, which I know is really hard to find in a guy so I think that's one of the things that holds me back. It's all so confusing, I don't know what to do.

I also quit my job that was definitely a huge toxic part of my life at the time. I tried working at another part time job, which was just way too much with school, so I quit that. I've passively been looking for another job that will fit better with my school schedule, so hopefully something works out.

I know this has been a really long post, and I really am going to get back into writing more frequently on here.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

My lists

I don't know why, but I am in a list making mood today. I sat here thinking on what I wanted to make my lists about, and I decided to create two lists: things I love and things I hate. I'm still working on the things I love list, so I'll start with the things I hate list for today.

Things I Hate:

1. Chipped nail polish
I love doing my nails. I'm usually broke so since I can't go get them professionally done, I do them myself. Sometimes I don't paint them though because I cannot stand when they chip. And they always do. I'm a fairly impatient person so I hate sitting there for an hour waiting for them to dry. So I'll go do a bunch of other things and chip them. I hate it, but it always happens. Using that fast drying polish usually helps, but they don't make it in many colors. One of my nails is even chipped right now. It drives me crazy.

2. Non-matching things (some stuff)
I think the whole non-matching, trendy kind of look is really cool. And it looks cool when it's done right, but most of the time I think it looks bad. The two things that really drive me crazy are when the tone of my jewelry doesn't match and when furniture doesn't match. When I say the tone of my jewelry, I mean matching silver and gold. I cannot wear say, an all silver bracelet and an all gold necklace. Unless there's silver and gold in one piece, then I'm fine with mixing them. It isn't just jewelry though, it's even the minor things, like the little buckles on my sandals or the clasps on my purse. I have to incorporate both colors in my outfit somehow in order to wear both gold and silver. If I'm not wearing both, then I have to wear just one, or it will make me feel all out of order all day. The same goes for furniture. I'm fine with mixing prints or colors. But I don't like when wooden furniture doesn't match. Unless it looks like it's supposed to not match (like a vintage type of look), then it doesn't bug me. I don't know if this is normal or not, I'm thinking I'm just weird.

3. People who are oblivious to their surroundings
As a new driver, I'm pretty cautious when I'm in my car. And I'm aware of my surroundings (I try to be anyways). But there are some people who think they own the roads or something. Some of the time it's people in their cars, but around here it seems to be people on their motorcycles or pedestrians most of the time. I'm not bashing these people, because the majority of them are fine. But all it takes for me is that random person who doesn't pay attention to any of the pedestrian lights and just runs all over the road. Sure, I've been guilty of crossing the street when the pedestrian light says don't walk, and I'm sure most people have. But it's only been a few times when I've been late and I tried to hurry across the street as fast as possible and at least paid attention to the people driving around me. I get the whole pedestrian has the right of way rule or whatever, but some of these people are ridiculous. I swear, they walk out into the middle of the road at the most inconvenient time and are on their cell phones and walking as slow as they possibly can, all while having the traffic back up. And then there's that occasional guy on his motorcycle who thinks he's the hottest thing around, going about 30 miles over the speed limit. Sure, Mr. Motorcycle man, I get that you're cool and you worked hard to get your bike. But there's no need to race your friends on the highway during the busiest time of the day. Again, I'm not saying this is everyone, because 95% of people aren't like this. It's just a few who make it irritating.

4. Soda
I don't know why, but even as a little kid I've never really liked soda. When I was younger I would get the occasional Sprite at a restaurant, but I've always been more of a water type of person. Soda makes me feel sick sometimes, and I feel like it's a waste of calories. It's basically just water with sugar in it.

5. The kids who party and brag about it
I'm not the partying type at all. I enjoy hanging out with my friends and family, but I don't drink or go to random parties to hook up with random guys (I have a boyfriend, but even if I didn't I wouldn't do this). Now that I'm out of high school, I feel like this type of thing won't be quite as frequent. I always hated sitting in class and hearing the kid behind me talk about how hungover he was to his friends, like he was bragging about it. Sure, it's your life, do what you want. But I don't really care that you drank to the point of passing out or hooked up with your best friend's cousin's ex-girlfriend. This is probably the number one reason I'm not going away to college. I probably would have gotten a really cool roommate, but there's also a decent possibility I wouldn't have. And I don't think I could have dealt with this type of thing 24/7.

6. Pressure
For things like working on a project for school, I actually do well under pressure. I've never been one to succumb to peer pressure. Even though I can be shy at times, I do stand my ground and don't do things that will harm myself or others. The topic I'm going to talk about here is kind of a personal thing, and it could make people feel kind of uncomfortable, especially the guys (sorry in advance). Ever since I was young, I've always believed that there's one person for everyone. I've always believed in only being with one person. I don't think it's bad to date more than one person, in a lot of situations I think it can be a good thing to hangout with someone and get to know them. But I believe in only "being" with one person (I don't know if anyone is going to pick up on what I'm talking about here without me actually saying it). I guess I'm old fashioned when it comes to that kind of thing. I don't believe in doing that unless there's some level of serious commitment such as engagement, or marriage, or something of that nature. It seems extreme to some people, but that's what I believe. Is it right for everyone? Probably not. But that's what I want. Being a spiritual kind of person, I'm not going to say that religion doesn't play into that decision at least somewhat. There's other reasons too. It's not always an easy thing. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. While it's been a rocky road some of the time, this has definitely been an issue on more than one occasion. It's not that he doesn't want to wait, but he feels like I don't think highly of him or love him because he thinks I'm waiting for some other guy down the road to come along. I can see where he's coming from, and it makes it tricky. At what point does it become ridiculous in a guy's mind? A month, a year, two years, until marriage? I just feel like if a guy doesn't want to commit, then he won't stay with me if something were to happen. It's always in the back of my mind that he will meet someone else who doesn't need a commitment of some sort for that to happen, and then he's going to leave me. I know this all sounds kind of silly and juvenile, but it's a tricky topic.

That's all for now. I'll probably have my other list up tomorrow or sometime soon.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

My prom dress

This is going to be a short post because I have to go work out (which I really do not feel like doing at all right now). I was going to post some actual pictures from my prom, but since my desktop computer is kind of broken, I can't upload the pictures. So for now I'll just post a picture of  what I wore to my prom.

The picture of the front isn't really that accurate. The way the girl's standing makes the slit look like it comes up to about her neck, but I promise in real life it doesn't.
Anyways, hope everyone is doing well. I'll try and post again soon.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

My foot hurts & my "twin"

As I'm typing this, my foot is on my computer desk. It's quite a sight. Apparently the doctor thinks I popped a blood vessel in my foot this morning. So now the bottom of my foot and side of it is all swollen and bruised (isn't that nice to know?) As a result of my inability to move much the next few days, expect quite a bit of blogging. I love just walking around at random places like stores, or at the mall, so me being stuck laying down is probably going to drive me crazy. It's already gotten a bit annoying.

Since I mentioned the word "annoying", I'm going to talk about another thing that's rather irritating: the fact that everyone thinks my sister and I are twins.

Most people would wonder why I find that kind of annoying. Some of the time it doesn't bother me at all. I think the reason that it does is that my sister is four years younger than I am. True story: at my old job, my sister came in to see a movie. She comes walking up to the concession stand that I was working at that night. Once she leaves, my co-worker says all serious "Is that your older sister?" GAHHHHH! It wouldn't be so bad if people hadn't told me I have a baby face. I think my face looks appropriate for my age, but I never thought I looked younger than I do. So frustrating. When I post a couple of prom pictures, you guys can tell me the truth about my babyface features. I just need to upload the pictures which I'll probably do later.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Don't kill me.

I feel sooooo bad I haven't blogged in who knows how long. I actually feel kind of embarassed. But before you guys kill me for not posting in FOREVER, I'll update you on everything I've been up to.

I doubt anyone remembers, but I mentioned a few times I didn't get into the university I had dreamt of going to since I was really young. Well, turns out I didn't get in because of a GLITCH in the computer system. Yes, I didn't get in because of a bug in their computer. I won't go into details of exactly what happened, because that would take like a hour to explain. I was pretty upset. But if there's one thing that I've learned in this adventure called life it's that things happen for a reason.

At that point, I just decided to go to my local community college for a few years since it would be a cheaper alternative to going away (my original first choice college was also in my hometown). I'm not gonna lie, I was a little bummed about the whole thing. I felt like I had worked so hard and it was all for nothing. Well on the community college's website I found a scholarship that would give me a free ride to their school. I applied and I thought I actually had a good chance at getting it.

I was wrong. I didn't get it. Not only did I not get into a university I thought I had a good chance of getting into, I couldn't even get a scholarship for a community college. I'm not trying to insult anyone or anything with the whole community college thing, but I felt ripped off and felt like a loser (as stupid as that sounds now).

Basically all of this led to me being really down for a few months. Things were really rough and I was miserable. The thing that kept me going was the fact that I was almost done with high school.

Things kind of sucked for a while, but it seems like they're turning around (I hope I don't jinx it). I ended up getting other scholarships through my high school and through other foundations that the community college, so I have enough money to pay for my first year. That made it a little better. I quit my terrible job. That also made things a little better. I got my license (FINALLY) last week, and that definitely made me happy. And I graduated this past weekend. I am so glad high school is over, it hasn't even sunk in yet.

I'm trying to think of other things to update you guys on. Hm..I went to my high school prom. Parts of it were fun, but the actual dance was boring. If you guys wanna see pictures of my dress, I'll post them.

I suppose that's it for now. I hope a few of you guys are still at least subscribed to my blog after my long period of absence.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Spring Break (almost)

Again, I apologize for not posting in weeks. I have been super stressed out beyond belief the past few months, especially the last few weeks. I have like three exams coming up in the next month, and a bunch of school stuff due this week. And apparently I owe four gym classes. I'm still debating on whether or not I should make them up or not. I'll see how tired I am this week.

It seems like I'm so close yet so far from graduating. These past couple of months have been dragging on and on and on. I've had a lot of work to do, mostly just last minute stuff before exams that approaching rather quickly. Hopefully after this week it will be smooth sailing since I'll only have one marking period left. I've become a major slacker the past few months and I'm not proud of it. I've been going through a lot but still, I feel bad I've been putting stuff off. Luckily spring break is next week so that will give me some time to relax.

Anyways, I have to go to work in a little bit so I need to eat before I pass out from being so hungry. I know this is a short post but I plan on doing some major blogging next week while I'm off (and hopefully some driving practice too-although I've been doing that sort of regularly lately).

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

My crazy life

Things have been a little stressful the past few days for me. I got sick (ok, maybe I was just overstressed and needed to stay home) on Thursday and Friday. So between some makeup work, regular schoolwork, and my job I have been running all over the place. So many things are coming up-I have exams for some of my classes in April and May (they are classes similar to AP classes so they're college level) and then there's prom (I've decided that I might go) and trying to get my license and other things I just can't remember at the moment because my brain is too full.

Progress on my driving skills: I drove a few times today. Once to the mall, and home (in the dark!) from my local Toys R Us. My mom said I'm doing pretty good and that I only made a couple of small mistakes. When I was coming up a street that's really narrow and on a hill, she said I got a little close to a parked car. Another thing was that when I was turning into my driveway she said I was kind of pulling in from the left lane which I know is bad, but I live on a dead end street and nobody was around. Anyways, I feel like I'm doing well with driving as a whole, I just have to get used to the little rules of the road. I'm already feeling more comfortable on the road. The first year or so I had my permit I was really scared to drive, especially in busy areas. I would get really nervous driving on the highway. But ever since August or so some of that fear has gone away. I'm feeling better about it so I feel that I'm making good progress.

I should probably go finish my calculus homework (by the way, I HATE calculus). For some reason a lot of it just doesn't click for me. Oh well. I'm trying but at this point I'm just looking forward to graduation.

Oh, I almost forgot (well I didn't forget, I'm just trying to forget about it) the reason I didn't get into my top choice school was because of a computer glitch. I was upset when I heard about it, but I think all of this happened for a reason. It's really made me rethink my potential major (I wanted to go pre-med or pre-dental since I was about 13) but I feel like that's not what's going to make me the happiest. I'm a little annoyed that I took all of these classes in high school that would have prepared me for this path, but that's the way it goes. I'm about 99% I'm attending a local community college, and I applied for a scholarship (pretty sure I mentioned this in a recent post). Just waiting to hear back. I think eventually I'd like to transfer and major in accounting and/or business. Not sure which yet, but that's what I think I'm going to do. Opening my own business has always been a dream of mine. So why shouldn't I follow it? It worse comes to worse I'll have a good major to fall back on. I'll just have to see where life takes me. I feel like maybe things will start to fall into place a little. (Let's hope)