So...I realize I haven't blog in months and months, and I feel super guilty about it. It's been so long I'm not even sure if anyone is still following me, but I figured I would post a new post anyways.
As many of my followers might know (or not know because it's been so long and they've forgotten), I started college this past August. The semester is actually almost over (only another week to go-yay!) and then I get over a month off. College so far is good, I like it way better than high school. Although I don't really like having homework in general, I like how the work in college is much more independent and how there is less time actually spent in class. This has caused my attendance record to be way better than it was in high school. I've only missed a few classes due to the weather/being sick/super tired, and I have actually felt guilty and sad that I couldn't make it. So overall, college is going well.
The past year or so was really challenging for me in a lot of ways, and one of the reasons why was because I made the decision to let go of all of the "toxic" people in my life. My actual graduating from high school automatically solved about half of this problem, since a lot of the people I wasn't really keen on or close to just drifted away naturally. Letting go of a few people has been especially hard. I had been really close to one friend since about middle school. She was one of my best friends. We had tons of fun times together, but over the years there were a few really hurtful things that she did to me that I just couldn't shake off. She would leave me out of things a lot, not be there for me, or made me feel stupid/like I wasn't good enough no matter what I did. She even put down the school I'm going to, which kind of hurt my feelings. So after a lot of consideration, I decided that for the time being I need to let her go as a friend. For the past year or so we really haven't been in as much contact anyways, but I figured with her going away to college it would just kind of finish it. I actually deleted her along with most of my other contacts from my phone, and didn't hear from her in probably close to four months. I never said anything hurtful to her to "end" our friendship, I just simply never texted her or called. The other day I got a few random text messages from a number I'm assuming was her, but I didn't respond. It may seem harsh to some people, but I'm really trying to cleanse my life of any negative energy, and I feel that this needed to be done.
But without a doubt, the hardest person to let go of by far has been my boyfriend of over two years. I know deep down that he is really not the best thing for me, but I just can never seem to end it for good. I've tried dozens of times, but it never seems to work, and it makes me feel so weak as a person. A lot of the time he is a really good boyfriend, but the other times it is the total opposite-he is so mean sometimes it almost amazes me. He and I share a lot of the same morals in that we don't drink or anything, which I know is really hard to find in a guy so I think that's one of the things that holds me back. It's all so confusing, I don't know what to do.
I also quit my job that was definitely a huge toxic part of my life at the time. I tried working at another part time job, which was just way too much with school, so I quit that. I've passively been looking for another job that will fit better with my school schedule, so hopefully something works out.
I know this has been a really long post, and I really am going to get back into writing more frequently on here.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
My lists
I don't know why, but I am in a list making mood today. I sat here thinking on what I wanted to make my lists about, and I decided to create two lists: things I love and things I hate. I'm still working on the things I love list, so I'll start with the things I hate list for today.
Things I Hate:
1. Chipped nail polish
I love doing my nails. I'm usually broke so since I can't go get them professionally done, I do them myself. Sometimes I don't paint them though because I cannot stand when they chip. And they always do. I'm a fairly impatient person so I hate sitting there for an hour waiting for them to dry. So I'll go do a bunch of other things and chip them. I hate it, but it always happens. Using that fast drying polish usually helps, but they don't make it in many colors. One of my nails is even chipped right now. It drives me crazy.
2. Non-matching things (some stuff)
I think the whole non-matching, trendy kind of look is really cool. And it looks cool when it's done right, but most of the time I think it looks bad. The two things that really drive me crazy are when the tone of my jewelry doesn't match and when furniture doesn't match. When I say the tone of my jewelry, I mean matching silver and gold. I cannot wear say, an all silver bracelet and an all gold necklace. Unless there's silver and gold in one piece, then I'm fine with mixing them. It isn't just jewelry though, it's even the minor things, like the little buckles on my sandals or the clasps on my purse. I have to incorporate both colors in my outfit somehow in order to wear both gold and silver. If I'm not wearing both, then I have to wear just one, or it will make me feel all out of order all day. The same goes for furniture. I'm fine with mixing prints or colors. But I don't like when wooden furniture doesn't match. Unless it looks like it's supposed to not match (like a vintage type of look), then it doesn't bug me. I don't know if this is normal or not, I'm thinking I'm just weird.
3. People who are oblivious to their surroundings
As a new driver, I'm pretty cautious when I'm in my car. And I'm aware of my surroundings (I try to be anyways). But there are some people who think they own the roads or something. Some of the time it's people in their cars, but around here it seems to be people on their motorcycles or pedestrians most of the time. I'm not bashing these people, because the majority of them are fine. But all it takes for me is that random person who doesn't pay attention to any of the pedestrian lights and just runs all over the road. Sure, I've been guilty of crossing the street when the pedestrian light says don't walk, and I'm sure most people have. But it's only been a few times when I've been late and I tried to hurry across the street as fast as possible and at least paid attention to the people driving around me. I get the whole pedestrian has the right of way rule or whatever, but some of these people are ridiculous. I swear, they walk out into the middle of the road at the most inconvenient time and are on their cell phones and walking as slow as they possibly can, all while having the traffic back up. And then there's that occasional guy on his motorcycle who thinks he's the hottest thing around, going about 30 miles over the speed limit. Sure, Mr. Motorcycle man, I get that you're cool and you worked hard to get your bike. But there's no need to race your friends on the highway during the busiest time of the day. Again, I'm not saying this is everyone, because 95% of people aren't like this. It's just a few who make it irritating.
4. Soda
I don't know why, but even as a little kid I've never really liked soda. When I was younger I would get the occasional Sprite at a restaurant, but I've always been more of a water type of person. Soda makes me feel sick sometimes, and I feel like it's a waste of calories. It's basically just water with sugar in it.
5. The kids who party and brag about it
I'm not the partying type at all. I enjoy hanging out with my friends and family, but I don't drink or go to random parties to hook up with random guys (I have a boyfriend, but even if I didn't I wouldn't do this). Now that I'm out of high school, I feel like this type of thing won't be quite as frequent. I always hated sitting in class and hearing the kid behind me talk about how hungover he was to his friends, like he was bragging about it. Sure, it's your life, do what you want. But I don't really care that you drank to the point of passing out or hooked up with your best friend's cousin's ex-girlfriend. This is probably the number one reason I'm not going away to college. I probably would have gotten a really cool roommate, but there's also a decent possibility I wouldn't have. And I don't think I could have dealt with this type of thing 24/7.
6. Pressure
For things like working on a project for school, I actually do well under pressure. I've never been one to succumb to peer pressure. Even though I can be shy at times, I do stand my ground and don't do things that will harm myself or others. The topic I'm going to talk about here is kind of a personal thing, and it could make people feel kind of uncomfortable, especially the guys (sorry in advance). Ever since I was young, I've always believed that there's one person for everyone. I've always believed in only being with one person. I don't think it's bad to date more than one person, in a lot of situations I think it can be a good thing to hangout with someone and get to know them. But I believe in only "being" with one person (I don't know if anyone is going to pick up on what I'm talking about here without me actually saying it). I guess I'm old fashioned when it comes to that kind of thing. I don't believe in doing that unless there's some level of serious commitment such as engagement, or marriage, or something of that nature. It seems extreme to some people, but that's what I believe. Is it right for everyone? Probably not. But that's what I want. Being a spiritual kind of person, I'm not going to say that religion doesn't play into that decision at least somewhat. There's other reasons too. It's not always an easy thing. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. While it's been a rocky road some of the time, this has definitely been an issue on more than one occasion. It's not that he doesn't want to wait, but he feels like I don't think highly of him or love him because he thinks I'm waiting for some other guy down the road to come along. I can see where he's coming from, and it makes it tricky. At what point does it become ridiculous in a guy's mind? A month, a year, two years, until marriage? I just feel like if a guy doesn't want to commit, then he won't stay with me if something were to happen. It's always in the back of my mind that he will meet someone else who doesn't need a commitment of some sort for that to happen, and then he's going to leave me. I know this all sounds kind of silly and juvenile, but it's a tricky topic.
That's all for now. I'll probably have my other list up tomorrow or sometime soon.
Things I Hate:
1. Chipped nail polish
I love doing my nails. I'm usually broke so since I can't go get them professionally done, I do them myself. Sometimes I don't paint them though because I cannot stand when they chip. And they always do. I'm a fairly impatient person so I hate sitting there for an hour waiting for them to dry. So I'll go do a bunch of other things and chip them. I hate it, but it always happens. Using that fast drying polish usually helps, but they don't make it in many colors. One of my nails is even chipped right now. It drives me crazy.
2. Non-matching things (some stuff)
I think the whole non-matching, trendy kind of look is really cool. And it looks cool when it's done right, but most of the time I think it looks bad. The two things that really drive me crazy are when the tone of my jewelry doesn't match and when furniture doesn't match. When I say the tone of my jewelry, I mean matching silver and gold. I cannot wear say, an all silver bracelet and an all gold necklace. Unless there's silver and gold in one piece, then I'm fine with mixing them. It isn't just jewelry though, it's even the minor things, like the little buckles on my sandals or the clasps on my purse. I have to incorporate both colors in my outfit somehow in order to wear both gold and silver. If I'm not wearing both, then I have to wear just one, or it will make me feel all out of order all day. The same goes for furniture. I'm fine with mixing prints or colors. But I don't like when wooden furniture doesn't match. Unless it looks like it's supposed to not match (like a vintage type of look), then it doesn't bug me. I don't know if this is normal or not, I'm thinking I'm just weird.
3. People who are oblivious to their surroundings
As a new driver, I'm pretty cautious when I'm in my car. And I'm aware of my surroundings (I try to be anyways). But there are some people who think they own the roads or something. Some of the time it's people in their cars, but around here it seems to be people on their motorcycles or pedestrians most of the time. I'm not bashing these people, because the majority of them are fine. But all it takes for me is that random person who doesn't pay attention to any of the pedestrian lights and just runs all over the road. Sure, I've been guilty of crossing the street when the pedestrian light says don't walk, and I'm sure most people have. But it's only been a few times when I've been late and I tried to hurry across the street as fast as possible and at least paid attention to the people driving around me. I get the whole pedestrian has the right of way rule or whatever, but some of these people are ridiculous. I swear, they walk out into the middle of the road at the most inconvenient time and are on their cell phones and walking as slow as they possibly can, all while having the traffic back up. And then there's that occasional guy on his motorcycle who thinks he's the hottest thing around, going about 30 miles over the speed limit. Sure, Mr. Motorcycle man, I get that you're cool and you worked hard to get your bike. But there's no need to race your friends on the highway during the busiest time of the day. Again, I'm not saying this is everyone, because 95% of people aren't like this. It's just a few who make it irritating.
4. Soda
I don't know why, but even as a little kid I've never really liked soda. When I was younger I would get the occasional Sprite at a restaurant, but I've always been more of a water type of person. Soda makes me feel sick sometimes, and I feel like it's a waste of calories. It's basically just water with sugar in it.
5. The kids who party and brag about it
I'm not the partying type at all. I enjoy hanging out with my friends and family, but I don't drink or go to random parties to hook up with random guys (I have a boyfriend, but even if I didn't I wouldn't do this). Now that I'm out of high school, I feel like this type of thing won't be quite as frequent. I always hated sitting in class and hearing the kid behind me talk about how hungover he was to his friends, like he was bragging about it. Sure, it's your life, do what you want. But I don't really care that you drank to the point of passing out or hooked up with your best friend's cousin's ex-girlfriend. This is probably the number one reason I'm not going away to college. I probably would have gotten a really cool roommate, but there's also a decent possibility I wouldn't have. And I don't think I could have dealt with this type of thing 24/7.
6. Pressure
For things like working on a project for school, I actually do well under pressure. I've never been one to succumb to peer pressure. Even though I can be shy at times, I do stand my ground and don't do things that will harm myself or others. The topic I'm going to talk about here is kind of a personal thing, and it could make people feel kind of uncomfortable, especially the guys (sorry in advance). Ever since I was young, I've always believed that there's one person for everyone. I've always believed in only being with one person. I don't think it's bad to date more than one person, in a lot of situations I think it can be a good thing to hangout with someone and get to know them. But I believe in only "being" with one person (I don't know if anyone is going to pick up on what I'm talking about here without me actually saying it). I guess I'm old fashioned when it comes to that kind of thing. I don't believe in doing that unless there's some level of serious commitment such as engagement, or marriage, or something of that nature. It seems extreme to some people, but that's what I believe. Is it right for everyone? Probably not. But that's what I want. Being a spiritual kind of person, I'm not going to say that religion doesn't play into that decision at least somewhat. There's other reasons too. It's not always an easy thing. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. While it's been a rocky road some of the time, this has definitely been an issue on more than one occasion. It's not that he doesn't want to wait, but he feels like I don't think highly of him or love him because he thinks I'm waiting for some other guy down the road to come along. I can see where he's coming from, and it makes it tricky. At what point does it become ridiculous in a guy's mind? A month, a year, two years, until marriage? I just feel like if a guy doesn't want to commit, then he won't stay with me if something were to happen. It's always in the back of my mind that he will meet someone else who doesn't need a commitment of some sort for that to happen, and then he's going to leave me. I know this all sounds kind of silly and juvenile, but it's a tricky topic.
That's all for now. I'll probably have my other list up tomorrow or sometime soon.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
My prom dress
This is going to be a short post because I have to go work out (which I really do not feel like doing at all right now). I was going to post some actual pictures from my prom, but since my desktop computer is kind of broken, I can't upload the pictures. So for now I'll just post a picture of what I wore to my prom.
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The picture of the front isn't really that accurate. The way the girl's standing makes the slit look like it comes up to about her neck, but I promise in real life it doesn't.
Anyways, hope everyone is doing well. I'll try and post again soon.
Anyways, hope everyone is doing well. I'll try and post again soon.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
My foot hurts & my "twin"
As I'm typing this, my foot is on my computer desk. It's quite a sight. Apparently the doctor thinks I popped a blood vessel in my foot this morning. So now the bottom of my foot and side of it is all swollen and bruised (isn't that nice to know?) As a result of my inability to move much the next few days, expect quite a bit of blogging. I love just walking around at random places like stores, or at the mall, so me being stuck laying down is probably going to drive me crazy. It's already gotten a bit annoying.
Since I mentioned the word "annoying", I'm going to talk about another thing that's rather irritating: the fact that everyone thinks my sister and I are twins.
Most people would wonder why I find that kind of annoying. Some of the time it doesn't bother me at all. I think the reason that it does is that my sister is four years younger than I am. True story: at my old job, my sister came in to see a movie. She comes walking up to the concession stand that I was working at that night. Once she leaves, my co-worker says all serious "Is that your older sister?" GAHHHHH! It wouldn't be so bad if people hadn't told me I have a baby face. I think my face looks appropriate for my age, but I never thought I looked younger than I do. So frustrating. When I post a couple of prom pictures, you guys can tell me the truth about my babyface features. I just need to upload the pictures which I'll probably do later.
Since I mentioned the word "annoying", I'm going to talk about another thing that's rather irritating: the fact that everyone thinks my sister and I are twins.
Most people would wonder why I find that kind of annoying. Some of the time it doesn't bother me at all. I think the reason that it does is that my sister is four years younger than I am. True story: at my old job, my sister came in to see a movie. She comes walking up to the concession stand that I was working at that night. Once she leaves, my co-worker says all serious "Is that your older sister?" GAHHHHH! It wouldn't be so bad if people hadn't told me I have a baby face. I think my face looks appropriate for my age, but I never thought I looked younger than I do. So frustrating. When I post a couple of prom pictures, you guys can tell me the truth about my babyface features. I just need to upload the pictures which I'll probably do later.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Don't kill me.
I feel sooooo bad I haven't blogged in who knows how long. I actually feel kind of embarassed. But before you guys kill me for not posting in FOREVER, I'll update you on everything I've been up to.
I doubt anyone remembers, but I mentioned a few times I didn't get into the university I had dreamt of going to since I was really young. Well, turns out I didn't get in because of a GLITCH in the computer system. Yes, I didn't get in because of a bug in their computer. I won't go into details of exactly what happened, because that would take like a hour to explain. I was pretty upset. But if there's one thing that I've learned in this adventure called life it's that things happen for a reason.
At that point, I just decided to go to my local community college for a few years since it would be a cheaper alternative to going away (my original first choice college was also in my hometown). I'm not gonna lie, I was a little bummed about the whole thing. I felt like I had worked so hard and it was all for nothing. Well on the community college's website I found a scholarship that would give me a free ride to their school. I applied and I thought I actually had a good chance at getting it.
I was wrong. I didn't get it. Not only did I not get into a university I thought I had a good chance of getting into, I couldn't even get a scholarship for a community college. I'm not trying to insult anyone or anything with the whole community college thing, but I felt ripped off and felt like a loser (as stupid as that sounds now).
Basically all of this led to me being really down for a few months. Things were really rough and I was miserable. The thing that kept me going was the fact that I was almost done with high school.
Things kind of sucked for a while, but it seems like they're turning around (I hope I don't jinx it). I ended up getting other scholarships through my high school and through other foundations that the community college, so I have enough money to pay for my first year. That made it a little better. I quit my terrible job. That also made things a little better. I got my license (FINALLY) last week, and that definitely made me happy. And I graduated this past weekend. I am so glad high school is over, it hasn't even sunk in yet.
I'm trying to think of other things to update you guys on. Hm..I went to my high school prom. Parts of it were fun, but the actual dance was boring. If you guys wanna see pictures of my dress, I'll post them.
I suppose that's it for now. I hope a few of you guys are still at least subscribed to my blog after my long period of absence.
I doubt anyone remembers, but I mentioned a few times I didn't get into the university I had dreamt of going to since I was really young. Well, turns out I didn't get in because of a GLITCH in the computer system. Yes, I didn't get in because of a bug in their computer. I won't go into details of exactly what happened, because that would take like a hour to explain. I was pretty upset. But if there's one thing that I've learned in this adventure called life it's that things happen for a reason.
At that point, I just decided to go to my local community college for a few years since it would be a cheaper alternative to going away (my original first choice college was also in my hometown). I'm not gonna lie, I was a little bummed about the whole thing. I felt like I had worked so hard and it was all for nothing. Well on the community college's website I found a scholarship that would give me a free ride to their school. I applied and I thought I actually had a good chance at getting it.
I was wrong. I didn't get it. Not only did I not get into a university I thought I had a good chance of getting into, I couldn't even get a scholarship for a community college. I'm not trying to insult anyone or anything with the whole community college thing, but I felt ripped off and felt like a loser (as stupid as that sounds now).
Basically all of this led to me being really down for a few months. Things were really rough and I was miserable. The thing that kept me going was the fact that I was almost done with high school.
Things kind of sucked for a while, but it seems like they're turning around (I hope I don't jinx it). I ended up getting other scholarships through my high school and through other foundations that the community college, so I have enough money to pay for my first year. That made it a little better. I quit my terrible job. That also made things a little better. I got my license (FINALLY) last week, and that definitely made me happy. And I graduated this past weekend. I am so glad high school is over, it hasn't even sunk in yet.
I'm trying to think of other things to update you guys on. Hm..I went to my high school prom. Parts of it were fun, but the actual dance was boring. If you guys wanna see pictures of my dress, I'll post them.
I suppose that's it for now. I hope a few of you guys are still at least subscribed to my blog after my long period of absence.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Spring Break (almost)
Again, I apologize for not posting in weeks. I have been super stressed out beyond belief the past few months, especially the last few weeks. I have like three exams coming up in the next month, and a bunch of school stuff due this week. And apparently I owe four gym classes. I'm still debating on whether or not I should make them up or not. I'll see how tired I am this week.
It seems like I'm so close yet so far from graduating. These past couple of months have been dragging on and on and on. I've had a lot of work to do, mostly just last minute stuff before exams that approaching rather quickly. Hopefully after this week it will be smooth sailing since I'll only have one marking period left. I've become a major slacker the past few months and I'm not proud of it. I've been going through a lot but still, I feel bad I've been putting stuff off. Luckily spring break is next week so that will give me some time to relax.
Anyways, I have to go to work in a little bit so I need to eat before I pass out from being so hungry. I know this is a short post but I plan on doing some major blogging next week while I'm off (and hopefully some driving practice too-although I've been doing that sort of regularly lately).
It seems like I'm so close yet so far from graduating. These past couple of months have been dragging on and on and on. I've had a lot of work to do, mostly just last minute stuff before exams that approaching rather quickly. Hopefully after this week it will be smooth sailing since I'll only have one marking period left. I've become a major slacker the past few months and I'm not proud of it. I've been going through a lot but still, I feel bad I've been putting stuff off. Luckily spring break is next week so that will give me some time to relax.
Anyways, I have to go to work in a little bit so I need to eat before I pass out from being so hungry. I know this is a short post but I plan on doing some major blogging next week while I'm off (and hopefully some driving practice too-although I've been doing that sort of regularly lately).
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
My crazy life
Things have been a little stressful the past few days for me. I got sick (ok, maybe I was just overstressed and needed to stay home) on Thursday and Friday. So between some makeup work, regular schoolwork, and my job I have been running all over the place. So many things are coming up-I have exams for some of my classes in April and May (they are classes similar to AP classes so they're college level) and then there's prom (I've decided that I might go) and trying to get my license and other things I just can't remember at the moment because my brain is too full.
Progress on my driving skills: I drove a few times today. Once to the mall, and home (in the dark!) from my local Toys R Us. My mom said I'm doing pretty good and that I only made a couple of small mistakes. When I was coming up a street that's really narrow and on a hill, she said I got a little close to a parked car. Another thing was that when I was turning into my driveway she said I was kind of pulling in from the left lane which I know is bad, but I live on a dead end street and nobody was around. Anyways, I feel like I'm doing well with driving as a whole, I just have to get used to the little rules of the road. I'm already feeling more comfortable on the road. The first year or so I had my permit I was really scared to drive, especially in busy areas. I would get really nervous driving on the highway. But ever since August or so some of that fear has gone away. I'm feeling better about it so I feel that I'm making good progress.
I should probably go finish my calculus homework (by the way, I HATE calculus). For some reason a lot of it just doesn't click for me. Oh well. I'm trying but at this point I'm just looking forward to graduation.
Oh, I almost forgot (well I didn't forget, I'm just trying to forget about it) the reason I didn't get into my top choice school was because of a computer glitch. I was upset when I heard about it, but I think all of this happened for a reason. It's really made me rethink my potential major (I wanted to go pre-med or pre-dental since I was about 13) but I feel like that's not what's going to make me the happiest. I'm a little annoyed that I took all of these classes in high school that would have prepared me for this path, but that's the way it goes. I'm about 99% I'm attending a local community college, and I applied for a scholarship (pretty sure I mentioned this in a recent post). Just waiting to hear back. I think eventually I'd like to transfer and major in accounting and/or business. Not sure which yet, but that's what I think I'm going to do. Opening my own business has always been a dream of mine. So why shouldn't I follow it? It worse comes to worse I'll have a good major to fall back on. I'll just have to see where life takes me. I feel like maybe things will start to fall into place a little. (Let's hope)
Progress on my driving skills: I drove a few times today. Once to the mall, and home (in the dark!) from my local Toys R Us. My mom said I'm doing pretty good and that I only made a couple of small mistakes. When I was coming up a street that's really narrow and on a hill, she said I got a little close to a parked car. Another thing was that when I was turning into my driveway she said I was kind of pulling in from the left lane which I know is bad, but I live on a dead end street and nobody was around. Anyways, I feel like I'm doing well with driving as a whole, I just have to get used to the little rules of the road. I'm already feeling more comfortable on the road. The first year or so I had my permit I was really scared to drive, especially in busy areas. I would get really nervous driving on the highway. But ever since August or so some of that fear has gone away. I'm feeling better about it so I feel that I'm making good progress.
I should probably go finish my calculus homework (by the way, I HATE calculus). For some reason a lot of it just doesn't click for me. Oh well. I'm trying but at this point I'm just looking forward to graduation.
Oh, I almost forgot (well I didn't forget, I'm just trying to forget about it) the reason I didn't get into my top choice school was because of a computer glitch. I was upset when I heard about it, but I think all of this happened for a reason. It's really made me rethink my potential major (I wanted to go pre-med or pre-dental since I was about 13) but I feel like that's not what's going to make me the happiest. I'm a little annoyed that I took all of these classes in high school that would have prepared me for this path, but that's the way it goes. I'm about 99% I'm attending a local community college, and I applied for a scholarship (pretty sure I mentioned this in a recent post). Just waiting to hear back. I think eventually I'd like to transfer and major in accounting and/or business. Not sure which yet, but that's what I think I'm going to do. Opening my own business has always been a dream of mine. So why shouldn't I follow it? It worse comes to worse I'll have a good major to fall back on. I'll just have to see where life takes me. I feel like maybe things will start to fall into place a little. (Let's hope)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Quick update/rambling thoughts
It's getting a little late where I live but I thought I would do just a quick post. Ok it's not really that late, but I've worked the past three days (Saturday and Sunday I had like eight hour shifts both days) and with daylight savings I'm pretty tired. Anyways...
I'm doing pretty good on keeping up with my driving practice. I drove to work yesterday and to and from work today (first time driving in the dark). My dad kind of has some weird phobia about letting other people drive while he's in the car. It makes him nervous my mom says. So everytime my mom takes me somewhere she lets me drive. I'm going to REALLY try to get my license by the end of April. I've said it before but I'm really going to try this time. Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post with words of encouragement :) it means a lot.
Another thing that I've been working on lately is standing up for myself. It's not that I'm overly shy, but people usually see me as polite and kind of reserved, which I've figured out seems to make me an easy target. I'm usually quick to help people so others are quick to take advantage of me. When someone makes a little comment or joke at my expense I usually just shrug it off and laugh because I'm typically not one for confrontation. Not anymore. I've realized enough is enough. I don't mind being nice and it takes a lot to push me to the edge, but I've started to stand up for myself more. I've done it multiple times in the past couple of weeks, and people have really started to notice. Some people don't necessarily like the fact that I'm doing this (especially one of my extremely rude managers at work-I kind of told her off when she was making me stay late to do EVERYTHING by myself the other day) but whether they like it or not, I'm tired of being the person everyone expects to do everything. I feel a lot better now that I've started sticking up for myself more.
Other random things that I've done in the past few days include trying hot chicken wings. I love chicken wings and I usually get the medium. Since I've been on a mini path of more self discovery (or whatever you wanna call it) I decided to order something I don't usually get. They were alright. They were almost so hot they didn't have a taste to them. Another thing that I tried was this new hair stuff that I got for free with a coupon at Victoria's Secret (I know my few guy followers will just love hearing about my hair habits haha) I have extremely dry, frizzy, difficult to manage hair. But this straightening/shine spray works wonders. I kept running my hands through my hair, I just couldn't believe the difference. I know this probably isn't the most fascinating topic to most, but I'm tired. I'll probably go get ready for bed now, so goodnight to my nine followers (so excited people are actually following my blog and reading my posts!)
I'm doing pretty good on keeping up with my driving practice. I drove to work yesterday and to and from work today (first time driving in the dark). My dad kind of has some weird phobia about letting other people drive while he's in the car. It makes him nervous my mom says. So everytime my mom takes me somewhere she lets me drive. I'm going to REALLY try to get my license by the end of April. I've said it before but I'm really going to try this time. Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post with words of encouragement :) it means a lot.
Another thing that I've been working on lately is standing up for myself. It's not that I'm overly shy, but people usually see me as polite and kind of reserved, which I've figured out seems to make me an easy target. I'm usually quick to help people so others are quick to take advantage of me. When someone makes a little comment or joke at my expense I usually just shrug it off and laugh because I'm typically not one for confrontation. Not anymore. I've realized enough is enough. I don't mind being nice and it takes a lot to push me to the edge, but I've started to stand up for myself more. I've done it multiple times in the past couple of weeks, and people have really started to notice. Some people don't necessarily like the fact that I'm doing this (especially one of my extremely rude managers at work-I kind of told her off when she was making me stay late to do EVERYTHING by myself the other day) but whether they like it or not, I'm tired of being the person everyone expects to do everything. I feel a lot better now that I've started sticking up for myself more.
Other random things that I've done in the past few days include trying hot chicken wings. I love chicken wings and I usually get the medium. Since I've been on a mini path of more self discovery (or whatever you wanna call it) I decided to order something I don't usually get. They were alright. They were almost so hot they didn't have a taste to them. Another thing that I tried was this new hair stuff that I got for free with a coupon at Victoria's Secret (I know my few guy followers will just love hearing about my hair habits haha) I have extremely dry, frizzy, difficult to manage hair. But this straightening/shine spray works wonders. I kept running my hands through my hair, I just couldn't believe the difference. I know this probably isn't the most fascinating topic to most, but I'm tired. I'll probably go get ready for bed now, so goodnight to my nine followers (so excited people are actually following my blog and reading my posts!)
Friday, March 11, 2011
Semi Embarassing Fact About Me
For this post, I've decided to share something that I find kind of embarassing about myself. It's really starting to bug me, and I hate how people constantly ask me about it. Ready for this?
Ok, my embarassing fact is that...
I don't have my driver's license.
There. I said it. I am a high school senior and do not have my driver's license. While most people would think this is a stupid thing to be embarassed about, it seems like a big deal to me. Deep down I know that in the big picture of my life this is probably a small thing to be embarassed about. Because when I finally get my license, I know that I'll look back on this and laugh. When I'm fifty years old, it won't really matter that I got my license when I was 18 instead of 16. In fact, a lot of people would probably think it's good that I'm taking my time learning to drive so that when I'm actually out on the road alone, I know more of what I'm doing.
I actually know a few other people my age who still don't drive. Personally I don't find it to be a big deal, but it seems to be a big deal to other people. For the most part I don't really care about what other people think, but when I'm constantly being questioned about it, it gets annoying. I don't mind when people ask why I don't have it yet, because they're probably just curious why I've waited. But when they start acting like I'm some kind of bizarre freak it starts to get irritating.
To be honest, I'm not really sure why I don't have my license yet. I've had my permit for about a year and a half now. One of the reasons I still don't have it is probably because I have a winter birthday, so it's made it harder to get my license. I got my first job last summer so it was tricky to schedule the appointment. It still is due to the fact that I find out my work schedule for the week a few days before I'm actually supposed to work. Another reason is that my dad, who is usually not that overly protective, has this weird phobia of other people driving while he's in the car. I think he thinks that at least if something happens, it's his fault and he feels that by some chance he could have controlled it. Another reason I haven't gotten it is because the parking situation at my school is terrible. You have to run outside during your class and put quarters in the parking meter every two hours. It's either that or park three blocks away, which doesn't sound too convenient to me.
Overall, not having a license really hasn't negatively affected me yet. The only time it gets a little annoying is when I have to take a break at work, but usually for that I ask ahead of time so my parents can grab me something to eat. It doesn't seem to be too inconvenient yet.
The only thing I'm a little worried about is my state required driving class that I took expires in July. So I have about four months to get my license. I'm really going to try and practice once the snow clears up since it's harder to learn to parallel park and k turn in the snow. I'm really going to try. I truly hope I don't have to sit through the five hour class again, because it was torture.
I know that on the day of my driving test, I'm going to be a nervous wreck. It doesn't help that I have a lot of other things coming up in the next few months. Now I'm wishing I hadn't procrastinated on this and done it sooner.
We'll see how this goes.
Ok, my embarassing fact is that...
I don't have my driver's license.
There. I said it. I am a high school senior and do not have my driver's license. While most people would think this is a stupid thing to be embarassed about, it seems like a big deal to me. Deep down I know that in the big picture of my life this is probably a small thing to be embarassed about. Because when I finally get my license, I know that I'll look back on this and laugh. When I'm fifty years old, it won't really matter that I got my license when I was 18 instead of 16. In fact, a lot of people would probably think it's good that I'm taking my time learning to drive so that when I'm actually out on the road alone, I know more of what I'm doing.
I actually know a few other people my age who still don't drive. Personally I don't find it to be a big deal, but it seems to be a big deal to other people. For the most part I don't really care about what other people think, but when I'm constantly being questioned about it, it gets annoying. I don't mind when people ask why I don't have it yet, because they're probably just curious why I've waited. But when they start acting like I'm some kind of bizarre freak it starts to get irritating.
To be honest, I'm not really sure why I don't have my license yet. I've had my permit for about a year and a half now. One of the reasons I still don't have it is probably because I have a winter birthday, so it's made it harder to get my license. I got my first job last summer so it was tricky to schedule the appointment. It still is due to the fact that I find out my work schedule for the week a few days before I'm actually supposed to work. Another reason is that my dad, who is usually not that overly protective, has this weird phobia of other people driving while he's in the car. I think he thinks that at least if something happens, it's his fault and he feels that by some chance he could have controlled it. Another reason I haven't gotten it is because the parking situation at my school is terrible. You have to run outside during your class and put quarters in the parking meter every two hours. It's either that or park three blocks away, which doesn't sound too convenient to me.
Overall, not having a license really hasn't negatively affected me yet. The only time it gets a little annoying is when I have to take a break at work, but usually for that I ask ahead of time so my parents can grab me something to eat. It doesn't seem to be too inconvenient yet.
The only thing I'm a little worried about is my state required driving class that I took expires in July. So I have about four months to get my license. I'm really going to try and practice once the snow clears up since it's harder to learn to parallel park and k turn in the snow. I'm really going to try. I truly hope I don't have to sit through the five hour class again, because it was torture.
I know that on the day of my driving test, I'm going to be a nervous wreck. It doesn't help that I have a lot of other things coming up in the next few months. Now I'm wishing I hadn't procrastinated on this and done it sooner.
We'll see how this goes.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Vinylmations and more snow
So lately all that's been going on in the smallish town that I live in is that it's been snowing like crazy. My school district has averaged about a snowday every week or two. Not that I'm complaining or anything. It has given me more time to devote to my most recent obsession...Vinylmations.
I realize that most people will probably be confused about what this is, so I'll post a picture right here:
The picture above is of the Toy Story Vinylmation collection. I'm not sure why these little plastic characters fascinate me so much. I went to Disney a few months ago and really miss it, so maybe it's my way of remembering a really fun trip. Since my Disney trip, I've been to a sort of local mall (that's about an hour and a half away) a few times, and on my most recent trip up there, I picked up a few of these. Mine weren't from the Toy Story set (which is a set I'd like to get soon) but they were still cute. Basically what it is is you pick a box and won't know which design you get until you open it. At first I thought the whole thing was kind of silly, but over time the idea of it grew on me and I caved in and bought a few on my last trip to the mall. I've been collecting for about a month and am too embarassed to say how many I've acquired at this point (I'm at a "crucial saving point" according to my dad). I've always been bad at saving money. At least I saved some of my birthday money. He should be proud of that.
Since I know my pointless collection rant will bore most of the people who read this, I'll discuss what else has been going on in my exciting life. I'm about 95% sure where I'm going to college. It's actually a community college, which I wasn't originally planning on going to. I applied for a scholarship so hopefully I'll get it (fingers crossed). It turns out that the university I applied to originally had a "glitch" in their computer system so that's why I didn't get it. The university as a whole seems kind of stuck up anyways. I'm probably better off not going there.
That's basically all that's been going on with me. What's been going on with my seven or so followers?
I realize that most people will probably be confused about what this is, so I'll post a picture right here:
Since I know my pointless collection rant will bore most of the people who read this, I'll discuss what else has been going on in my exciting life. I'm about 95% sure where I'm going to college. It's actually a community college, which I wasn't originally planning on going to. I applied for a scholarship so hopefully I'll get it (fingers crossed). It turns out that the university I applied to originally had a "glitch" in their computer system so that's why I didn't get it. The university as a whole seems kind of stuck up anyways. I'm probably better off not going there.
That's basically all that's been going on with me. What's been going on with my seven or so followers?
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Bad Day.
Yesterday was just one of those days. One of the ones where everything seems to go wrong. One of the ones where you have to clean up nasty stuff at work. Yesterday at work was terrible. I'm going to say it in the least disgusting way I can: I had to clean up little kid vomit.
Sure, a lot of jobs deal with gross situations all the time. Doctors and nurses probably do daily. But do they make minimum wage? Probably not. So when my super obnoxious co-worker walks over and says "Some lady came and said some little kid got sick in theater four (I work at a movie theatre)" I said "Ok I'll get it but someone will have to come hold the flashlight since the movie is still going on". And very rudely she replied "Yeah right. Have fun with that." That girl is so snotty, it really bugs me. Anyways, I didn't really mind cleaning the mess up since I was the designated usher for the night. But we're supposed to be a team. We're supposed to work together.
I go up to the manager's office and tell them about it. One of the managers (who is really mean all the time) was less than helpful. The other two felt bad and said they would help but never really did. So when the movie was over (we couldn't find the mess during the movie) I was stuck cleaning it up alone.
My not-so-nice boss never really gave me any directions, so I was just kind of winging it. The mop and bucket we have at my work is extremely heavy, and my boss never said to use it, so I tried it without it at first. It didn't go so well. About twenty minutes later, one of the only co-workers who is helpful at all offers to bring the mop over and helps me since I was almost in tears. The whole cleaning up vomit thing didn't even really bother me at all, I'm just so sick of dealing with the rude people at my work. I was so close to just walking out and making them clean it up themselves. But I didn't because I figured that wouldn't be the right thing to do. I'm still debating on what to do about my job, because I don't really like it but I need the money.
Just another fun thing I've had to deal with lately.
Sure, a lot of jobs deal with gross situations all the time. Doctors and nurses probably do daily. But do they make minimum wage? Probably not. So when my super obnoxious co-worker walks over and says "Some lady came and said some little kid got sick in theater four (I work at a movie theatre)" I said "Ok I'll get it but someone will have to come hold the flashlight since the movie is still going on". And very rudely she replied "Yeah right. Have fun with that." That girl is so snotty, it really bugs me. Anyways, I didn't really mind cleaning the mess up since I was the designated usher for the night. But we're supposed to be a team. We're supposed to work together.
I go up to the manager's office and tell them about it. One of the managers (who is really mean all the time) was less than helpful. The other two felt bad and said they would help but never really did. So when the movie was over (we couldn't find the mess during the movie) I was stuck cleaning it up alone.
My not-so-nice boss never really gave me any directions, so I was just kind of winging it. The mop and bucket we have at my work is extremely heavy, and my boss never said to use it, so I tried it without it at first. It didn't go so well. About twenty minutes later, one of the only co-workers who is helpful at all offers to bring the mop over and helps me since I was almost in tears. The whole cleaning up vomit thing didn't even really bother me at all, I'm just so sick of dealing with the rude people at my work. I was so close to just walking out and making them clean it up themselves. But I didn't because I figured that wouldn't be the right thing to do. I'm still debating on what to do about my job, because I don't really like it but I need the money.
Just another fun thing I've had to deal with lately.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Class notables
So the time of the year has come where most senior high school students are choosing colleges, buying prom dresses, and voting on class notables. My class just found out the results of our "elected" (reasons on why that's in quotations to come) notables today. And I can honestly say that it amazes me how incredibly immature and irritating people can still be. We voted about two weeks ago on who we thought should win each category and handed our ballots in. Well it turns out that apparently the kids who were tallying the ballots were cheating. That is so typical. Popular snotty girls getting their way as usual. The thing that really gets me though is one of the girls actually posted on Facebook that they were getting the last say on who would win, which caused quite an uproar. Personally I found the whole situation just ridiculous. People get too worked up over this type of thing and the fact that people cheated made it even more crazy. Why can't you just let whoever is supposed to win, win? Why ruin it? This is one of the reasons I didn't buy a yearbook, because I'm hoping to move on from this type of thing when I graduate. Although I hear people are the same no matter what age you are...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Reasons for my absense...
So I realized it's been weeks since my last post, which makes me feel bad that I haven't been keeping up with this. Everything has just been CRAZY for me. All I do it seems is work, school, work, school, etc. I never have time for any downtime anymore, and I've realized I'm just going to have to make time for myself in order to survive. The past few weeks I've figured out a few things even though I've been super busy. I'm about 99.9% sure where I'm going to college (finally!) and I've narrowed down my list of majors to about two. It seems I finally have some type of solid plan going on, which makes me feel a little more secure. I'm also working on getting my license (seems like I'm one of the only ones who doesn't have it). Hopefully I'll get it soon. I feel loser-ish for not having it yet...oh well I guess. I'll get it at some point.
Anyways, my four or five followers (yay I actually have people following my blog!) can look forward to me posting more. I promise I'll try to keep up with this even though I'm busy. Forgive me for my absense?
Anyways, my four or five followers (yay I actually have people following my blog!) can look forward to me posting more. I promise I'll try to keep up with this even though I'm busy. Forgive me for my absense?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Pajama Jeans
Sorry for not blogging in a few days, I had a midterm (which I didn't do so great on) and I got scheduled at work pretty much all weekend. Anyways, I've decided to dedicate this blog post to something most would consider bizarre. I'm going to talk about pajama jeans.
Now if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can do a quick Google search on this strange object of clothing if the title "Pajama Jeans" doesn't describe it in enough detail for you. Basically what pajama jeans are is a pair of stretchy denim with a thin line of fleece on the inside. If anyone's ever worn jeggings or really stretchy jeans, they seem to be the same thing. I first saw them on a commercial when I was watching TV with my mom and my sister. At first we were making fun of them, but the more I thought about it, the more they seemed comfortable. They aren't particularly attractive, but they aren't totally hideous either. They are just a basic dark denim wash with a slight boot cut to them. The idea of them is so strange I'm curious to buy a pair just to see if they really are like pajamas (I hate uncomfortable jeans more than anything).
The whole jegging trend is really kind of odd if you think about it. I'm not even sure what jeggings really are-are they the jeans with the fake pockets or just stretchy skinny jeans? Because if it's the latter then I do own quite a few pairs. The more that I think about it, there have been quite a few strange trends that I have tried and am embarassed to admit I was a part of now.
What are some weird trends you have noticed or taken part of?
Now if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can do a quick Google search on this strange object of clothing if the title "Pajama Jeans" doesn't describe it in enough detail for you. Basically what pajama jeans are is a pair of stretchy denim with a thin line of fleece on the inside. If anyone's ever worn jeggings or really stretchy jeans, they seem to be the same thing. I first saw them on a commercial when I was watching TV with my mom and my sister. At first we were making fun of them, but the more I thought about it, the more they seemed comfortable. They aren't particularly attractive, but they aren't totally hideous either. They are just a basic dark denim wash with a slight boot cut to them. The idea of them is so strange I'm curious to buy a pair just to see if they really are like pajamas (I hate uncomfortable jeans more than anything).
The whole jegging trend is really kind of odd if you think about it. I'm not even sure what jeggings really are-are they the jeans with the fake pockets or just stretchy skinny jeans? Because if it's the latter then I do own quite a few pairs. The more that I think about it, there have been quite a few strange trends that I have tried and am embarassed to admit I was a part of now.
What are some weird trends you have noticed or taken part of?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I need some advice...
So this isn't really a blog post, but I need some advice. I was wondering, how do you know when a relationship is over for sure and how do you move past it?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
10 random facts about me
So for this post I've decided to create a list of 10 random facts about me. Sit back and get ready to learn about the extremely exciting me. (this list is in no particular order)
1. I'm always really cold...I started with this one first because I'm sitting here freezing as I type this. No matter the season, I can guarantee you I'll be sitting there shivering. I actually have this weird condition where my toes turn a purple/bluish color whenever they get really cold. I always get comments from my friends whenever I wear sandals. I think the condition is called Raynaud's or something. It has to due with poor circulation.
2. Another fact about my feet-I have monkey toes. I know, that sounds kind of creepy and weird, but I have really flexible toes. If I drop something on the floor, I can pick it up with my toes without bending down to pick it up with my hands. One time when I was about ten I decided to measure how far apart I could spread my toes. It was over an inch between my fourth toe and my pinky toe. How fascinating, right?
3. For number three, I won't discuss my feet. I'll discuss my past obsession with the Jonas Brothers. Yep, I used to love the Jonas Brothers. But before you start thinking I was some teeny bopper stalker, I wasn't. I actually liked them about two years before they became famous. My friend saw them in a small shopping mall and told me about them, which started it all. I saw them seven times and met them three. I really liked them up until they got really famous, and then the whole thing just became kind of annoying. That always happens to me, I always find a band I really like and then they become extremely famous. It sucks.
4. Lately I've been having a really hard time accepting myself. I've been under a lot of stress lately and have received some not so nice comments about my appearance from those around me. I always feel like I'm never good enough, and it's really pathetic because about a year ago I had finally gotten to the point where I had really high self-esteem. I'm not quite sure how to re-build it.
5. This one kind of goes with number four. I feel like I just blend into the background of the world around me. Even my mother said that to me. It always seems like I'm second best for everything. I'm decently good at a lot of things, but there's not one thing that I really excel at. Which is why choosing a college/major has been really difficult for me.
6. About five years ago I had a family member pass away who was fairly young. I feel like this has really changed my outlook on things, and has made me more mature than people my age in a lot of ways. I think when it happened people just figured I was over the whole thing, but it actually took me quite a while to get over it. I just bottled up all of my emotions and dealt with it day by day, and eventually I was able to come to terms with it. Although nobody really talks about it anymore, I still have rough days dealing with it.
7. I work hard in school, but it still feels like I never achieve anything because my friends are all so smart. Sometimes that's hard to deal with and to feel happy for them when they can get into whatever school they want when I'm still finding my way.
8. Lately I've been obsessed with Rice Krispy treats and those soft microwavable pretzels. I also really love Peanut Butter Smidgens from Gertrude Hawks chocolates. I could eat an entire box in one day if I don't watch it.
9. I love shopping. Any day, any time of the day, I would go shopping. I know that sounds shallow, but I've loved buying clothes every since I was little.
10. Most of the people I know perceive me as being really quiet, but when you get to know me I can be pretty loud and crazy.
That covers most of the basics I think.
1. I'm always really cold...I started with this one first because I'm sitting here freezing as I type this. No matter the season, I can guarantee you I'll be sitting there shivering. I actually have this weird condition where my toes turn a purple/bluish color whenever they get really cold. I always get comments from my friends whenever I wear sandals. I think the condition is called Raynaud's or something. It has to due with poor circulation.
2. Another fact about my feet-I have monkey toes. I know, that sounds kind of creepy and weird, but I have really flexible toes. If I drop something on the floor, I can pick it up with my toes without bending down to pick it up with my hands. One time when I was about ten I decided to measure how far apart I could spread my toes. It was over an inch between my fourth toe and my pinky toe. How fascinating, right?
3. For number three, I won't discuss my feet. I'll discuss my past obsession with the Jonas Brothers. Yep, I used to love the Jonas Brothers. But before you start thinking I was some teeny bopper stalker, I wasn't. I actually liked them about two years before they became famous. My friend saw them in a small shopping mall and told me about them, which started it all. I saw them seven times and met them three. I really liked them up until they got really famous, and then the whole thing just became kind of annoying. That always happens to me, I always find a band I really like and then they become extremely famous. It sucks.
4. Lately I've been having a really hard time accepting myself. I've been under a lot of stress lately and have received some not so nice comments about my appearance from those around me. I always feel like I'm never good enough, and it's really pathetic because about a year ago I had finally gotten to the point where I had really high self-esteem. I'm not quite sure how to re-build it.
5. This one kind of goes with number four. I feel like I just blend into the background of the world around me. Even my mother said that to me. It always seems like I'm second best for everything. I'm decently good at a lot of things, but there's not one thing that I really excel at. Which is why choosing a college/major has been really difficult for me.
6. About five years ago I had a family member pass away who was fairly young. I feel like this has really changed my outlook on things, and has made me more mature than people my age in a lot of ways. I think when it happened people just figured I was over the whole thing, but it actually took me quite a while to get over it. I just bottled up all of my emotions and dealt with it day by day, and eventually I was able to come to terms with it. Although nobody really talks about it anymore, I still have rough days dealing with it.
7. I work hard in school, but it still feels like I never achieve anything because my friends are all so smart. Sometimes that's hard to deal with and to feel happy for them when they can get into whatever school they want when I'm still finding my way.
8. Lately I've been obsessed with Rice Krispy treats and those soft microwavable pretzels. I also really love Peanut Butter Smidgens from Gertrude Hawks chocolates. I could eat an entire box in one day if I don't watch it.
9. I love shopping. Any day, any time of the day, I would go shopping. I know that sounds shallow, but I've loved buying clothes every since I was little.
10. Most of the people I know perceive me as being really quiet, but when you get to know me I can be pretty loud and crazy.
That covers most of the basics I think.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The most anticipated night of my life...prom.
Just to start off with, I was being sarcastic in the title. I hope I don't end up like one of those people in their 40's who still dress like they're in high school and act like the highlight of their lives was homecoming and the prom. Not that there's anything wrong with those people, I just hope there are more moving points in my life besides a school dance. But anyways, with the holidays over and spring approaching (not around here, it's been snowing like crazy...which by the way I did get a snowday the other day in case anyone cares) students at my school seem to have only one thing on their minds, and that is prom. For me, prom is really nothing more than a night to celebrate the end of high school. Because my high school experience has just been on the mediocre side, I'm not quite sure what to do about the whole prom thing. To be honest I haven't had a whole lot of time to worry about it. Within the last two weeks my life has been basically flipped upside down. I got deferred from the college I've wanted to go to since I was about 12, and broke up with my boyfriend of over a year. It seems like when I maybe had my life figured out, everything decided to change on me. I have to say, it bothers me that I worked really hard all through high school to end up being the one sitting here without any idea on what direction to head in next. While I try to figure out what other colleges to apply to, my friends have been trying to figure out who their prom date will be. I'm still undecided about whether I'll go or not. I'll have to see if someone asks me or if there's a guy friend I can ask. I think part of the reason I'm hesitant to go to prom is because I'm scared I'll be let down. I always have too high of expectations for everything. I can still remember the eighth grade dance I went to. It was a dance but it was only open to the eighth graders, where we were supposed to celebrate the end of middle school. I remember buying a brand new dress, new shoes, and getting my hair and nails done. I wasn't the only one who did that, the majority of the girls going also did the same. We were all so excited-who was going with who, who would dance with who, what we would do there, etc. All of the girls talked about it for months, while most of the guys didn't say much of anything. That should've been a warning sign right there. I still remember walking into the dance, I was so excited. Everyone's dress was so pretty, we all took so much time to get ready. Then I saw the guys. Most of the guys decided it would be funny to blow off the whole idea of a semi-formal dance. They decided to wear jeans, t-shirts, and draw on black mustaches (they took the salsa dancing theme a bit too far). All of the girls just looked at each other like "did I really just spend two hundred dollars to look nice for my crush who I wanted to dance with and he's wearing that?" To make it even better, the guys decided to play basketball and skip most of the dancing and related activities. I just remember feeling so let down. I mean my friends and I hung out, which was fun, but I guess my ideas of some romantic evening with the boy I had liked since first grade didn't measure up to reality. Looking back on it now, it's kind of funny. I guess the lesson I learned is that sometimes the things we expect to be great and amazing really just end up being like any other day, while the days we least expect to be a pivotal point in our lives are sometimes the ones that matter the most. Hopefully I'll have one of those pivotal days soon, because I definitely need some direction in my life.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Snowdays...the highlight of my life.
So the weather forecast is calling for snow/ice/rain. I'm really hoping there's a snowday tomorrow. The thing with me though is it's an all or nothing kind of deal when it comes to snowdays. I'm not familiar with all districts and their policies, but ours has this system where if the weather is bad, we get a delay or a snowday. Or sometimes they like to be annoying and send us home early, which is a pain for everyone involved. Personally, I would rather just have a full day of school if it was either a delay or a full day. Delays throw my schedule off. Although most people believe you get to sleep in, I have to half stay awake to beware of the time so I have enough time to still get ready. And once I get to school I can't do my usual routine which is saving most of my homework until the morning. I get to school early enough that I can do most of it then, and I have a few teachers who don't really care what we do so that's a good time to do it too. Hopefully I just get a snowday though. I really don't like school. I know everyone says that, but I really don't. I'm not sure what it is about the whole thing, but it's never really set well with me, especially high school. It's probably because I never really fit into one group, I'm just kind of my own person. Most people would think that's a good thing, but in the world of high school, that usually means sitting by yourself. Now I wouldn't exactly label myself as an outcast or anything, but I'm not really "normal". I don't drink, or do drugs. I don't really like sports, so I'm usually not present for the football games or similar events. I'm not anti-social, it just takes a lot for me to click with someone. I love shopping and things like that, and the girls at my school who are into that are usually kind of stuck up and think they're better than everyone else. I get good grades, but I'm not an extreme nerdy type of kid either. I don't know what I am, I'm just kind of there to a lot of people. It probably doesn't help that I can be pretty quiet, especially because I don't usually have much to say to the people whose every conservation revolves around the weekend's hottest party or who got into a fight with who. I just don't really fit in, and I'm not quite sure why. It's alright though, at least I'm almost done. Even though I don't know what to do after I graduate.
Anyways, I'm still hoping for that snowday tomorrow. I better wear some white socks to bed.
Anyways, I'm still hoping for that snowday tomorrow. I better wear some white socks to bed.
"Here on Earth"
So I don't know if I even have anyone reading my blog at all yet, but I'm still going to go on and ramble about a movie I watched recently. I just watched a somewhat older movie, "Here on Earth" with Josh Hartnett in it. First off, let me just say that he was looking good in that movie. But besides the fact that there were guys walking around without shirts on in the movie, I didn't really get it. I mean I understood the storyline of the movie, but it was kind of strange. If you haven't seen the movie and by some chance plan on watching it, beware that I'm about to spoil the ending. The movie is basically about a girl who near the end of the movie we find out she is ill and she ends up passing away. But before that, these two guys are car racing and run into her parents' restaurant, ruining it which leads to them doing the task of re-building it. The girl in the movie (whose name I don't remember) is dating Josh Hartnett's character, but ends up cheating on him and leaving him for the other guy in the movie. I found this plot to be kind of depressing in a way, it wasn't exactly the light-hearted movie I expected. It reminded me of "A Walk to Remember", but definitely not as good, and in "A Walk to Remember", Mandy Moore's character doesn't have the dilemma of choosing between two guys. "Here on Earth" definitely wasn't as deep and as touching as "A Walk to Remember". But anyways, the reason for me talking about "Here on Earth" was that I could relate to the girl in the movie and how confused she is about life. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, or where I want to go to school. It seems that everyone around me seems to have it all figured out, and I'm just sitting here with no idea. Like I said before, it doesn't seem like anyone is reading my blog, but if by some small chance there is, what is your advice for someone who has no idea on which direction to take in life next?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Confused...about everything.
After a recent break-up, I have been trying to re-build my life. It's been more difficult than I thought. I always thought that I would be with this person forever, and without realizing it, slowly began to build my life around this person. I know what you're thinking, "How can someone be so stupid to do that?" Trust me, I would have thought the exact same thing. However, sometimes when someone's in a situation rather than looking in from the outside, their judgement and views become less clear on what's truly happening. I slowly began to become isolated from the world around me, and I didn't care at the time. Never being an extrememly social person, I felt great that I finally had someone to lean on and hang out with. In reality, this person really didn't lend me a shoulder to cry on when I needed to, or congratulate me on my accomplishments (which lately, doesn't seem like many). I slowly become one of those girls that I used to feel bad for-the ones that have their boyfriends become such a big part of their lives that there's not much room for other things. I think I became so dependent on always having them around, that I was scared to be alone. This is a bizarre thing for me to feel, since this was my first serious relationship, so in some ways before I was alone. The funny thing is, is that right before I found this person, for once in my life I was content with the place in my life that I was at the time. It's not like that anymore. I have no idea what to do with my life, or what to turn to. I guess this is one of those situations where I'll just have to see what happens and go from there.
Why did I start this blog?
Wherever you and are whoever you are, you are reading my blog. Obviously. However you got here, you are probably wondering, "What is the point of this blog?" To be honest, I myself do not know the answer to that question. All I know is that my life has been very stressful and complicated lately, and I need somewhere to vent. Whether anyone wants to listen or not is their choice, but I would love to receive some advice and share some in return. Not sure what else to say, I guess this is my introductory post. There's not much to know about me...I'm a person just trying to get through each day like the majority of people are. Most days I'm just anxious to see how my life will turn out. Up until now, I've never really had to make any major decisions, but time is quickly running out and I feel like the rest of my life will be based off of the decisions I make now. I don't know if that's exactly true or not, but I feel like it is. Hopefully the choices I make will affect my life in a positive way and I can at least sort of figure out my direction in life, and if others want to follow my journey, they are more than welcome to.
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